


Muted Hues

by All_My_Characters_Are_Dead



Series: Color Theory [5]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Soulmate AU, still featuring Semi's insecurities
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-17
Updated: 2016-11-17
Packaged: 2018-08-31 12:40:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8578912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/All_My_Characters_Are_Dead/pseuds/All_My_Characters_Are_Dead
Summary: Even after more than a year with both of his soulmates, Semi still has doubts. He doubts his place in their soulbond. He doubts his place in their lives. He doubts his place on their team, and he doubts he'll ever be good enough for them.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Someone requested Ushijima and Sakusa tell Semi how much he matters. The request asked for smut, but since I'm terrible at writing that, this happened instead. So, Purple_Iris, I hope you like this, even though there's no smut.

Semi wasn’t used to being the first one to wake up. Usually, Ushijima woke up long before Semi did and went for a morning run. Since Sakusa had graduated high school and moved in with them, he’d started tagging along on Ushijima’s runs. Which Semi was  _ not _ jealous of. He was  _ not  _ hurt by the fact that Ushijima had actually  _ invited _ Sakusa along the first several times, until their morning runs together just became an accepted part of the day, when Ushijima had never asked if Semi wanted to go along. And yes, Semi was fully aware that Ushijima and Sakusa both had a lot more stamina than he did, and he probably wouldn’t be able to keep up. But it would have been nice to hear that they wanted his company. 

Semi shook his head, trying to push those thoughts out of his head and just enjoy the fact that he’d woken up before his two soulmates for once, so he was warm and comfortable, with his head pillowed on Ushijima’s chest and Sakusa’s arm flung over his waist. Semi was used to waking up to an empty bed and cold sheets, wishing that one of them had at least thought to wake him when they left to say goodbye. 

Sakusa mumbled something that probably wasn’t an actual word and shifted in his sleep, his lips brushing the back of Semi’s neck and leaving sleepy navy blue splotches on his skin. Semi resisted the urge to roll over to face him, because that would mean having to roll away from Ushijima and possibly wake one or both of his soulmates up. And once they woke up, they’d be gone, off to run together just like every morning. So Semi stayed as still as possible, trying to enjoy the moment for as long as he could before inevitably he would be left behind. 

Ushijima stirred, and Semi’s heart sank. He felt Ushijima sliding carefully out from under him, and slid his arms around Ushijima’s waist, clinging to him. Ushijima paused, apparently realizing that Semi was awake, then gently took Semi’s hands and pulled them away from his body. Semi bit his lip, recognizing Ushijima’s gentle way of refusing to stay in bed longer. 

“You can go back to sleep, Eita,” Ushijima murmured, leaning down to kiss the top of Semi’s head. Usually, that light touch would make Semi give in, make him relax back into the lingering warmth beneath the blankets. But this time, as Sakusa yawned and sat up, blinking blearily - honestly, he looked absolutely adorable, with his curly hair a mess and his nose scrunched slightly as he grimaced at his own morning breath, which Semi had learned quickly that Sakusa loathed with a passion that rivaled Sakusa’s distaste for dirt - Semi couldn’t find any comfort in it. So instead of relaxing and waiting for his soulmates to vacate the room so he could go back to sleep, Semi found himself curling into a ball, hiding his face from them. 

After all, he  _ knew _ their morning runs were more important than a few extra minutes of cuddling. He  _ knew _ this was their routine, and he didn’t feel like he had the right to disturb it. He  _ knew _ that if he asked them out loud, they’d gently turn him down. 

So he hid his face by pulling the blankets up over his head and biting his lip so hard he worried briefly that it might bleed, and tried not to make a sound as he heard the two of them getting ready to leave. 

Most mornings, Semi would wake up to a cold bed, make breakfast for himself and his soulmates, and they returned just in time to eat quickly and walk with him to volleyball practice. This morning, however, Semi couldn’t bear to stay in bed any longer. He couldn’t stand feeling the heat leech out of the sheets as the absence of his soulmates set in. 

He got up, stared at their small kitchen for a bit, then sighed and cooked for two. After all, even if the thought of eating alone again was unappealing enough to kill his appetite, he couldn’t let Ushijima and Sakusa go hungry. Once he’d set their breakfast out for them, he gathered his clothes for morning practice and his backpack for his classes and left their apartment. He didn’t want to linger any longer than he had to. 

At practice, Semi was paired with the second-string players, as usual, while Ushijima and Sakusa practiced with the starting setter. The only time he’d gotten to play with Ushijima was the year before, when the first years had all been grouped for practices. Now, even with Sakusa moved up to practice with the starting players, Semi found himself tossing to pretty much everyone on the team  _ except _ his own soulmates. 

Just another reminder that they didn’t need him, he supposed. 

After practice, he showered as fast as he could and headed to class, even though he had plenty of time. He didn’t even glance in Ushijima’s or Sakusa’s direction as he left. Instead, he was halfway across the campus before he realized that he had over forty-five minutes until his first lecture, and he didn’t really have anything to do. Normally, he would stay behind and practice a little more, hoping that one day he’d be good enough to take the starting setter spot. Or he would spend the time between practice and his lecture with his soulmates. Today, he hadn’t been able to face either of his typical choices, and he’d rushed toward the lecture hall. 

Deciding to be one of those irritatingly early students who sat in the hallway outside the door until the professor arrived to open it, Semi finished his hasty trip to his first class. He dropped his bag to the floor and set his back to the wall, sliding down until he was sitting, his knees pulled up to his chest. 

His phone chirped at him, telling him he’d received a text. He hesitated, then pulled his phone out. He opened the message, half afraid and half hoping it would be from Ushijima or Sakusa. Instead, he found a message from Tendou.

>> _ You rushed out of practice, Semisemi. Did Wakatoshi or Kyoomi do something? You didn’t even stop to ogle them while they changed. _

Semi blinked, then sighed. He knew he’d have to respond, or Tendou would probably hunt him down. He wouldn’t be surprised if Tendou actually interrupted a lecture or something if he thought Semi needed him. 

<< _ They didn’t do anything. So no pestering them, okay? _

>> _ I call bullshit, Eita. _

>> _ They don’t know they upset you, do they?  _

“Damn it, Satori, leave it alone,” Semi muttered out loud, glaring at his phone. 

<< _ I said they didn’t do anything, Satori.  _ For a moment, there was no reply, and then Semi’s phone chirped just as he was starting to think maybe Tendou had actually given up. 

>> _ Maybe that’s the problem. I have class now, see you soon! _ Semi narrowed his eyes at the seemingly innocent text. 

<< _ You’re a liar. You don’t have class for another hour. _ Semi scowled, trying to figure out why Tendou would lie and - oh, no.

<< _ Tendou Satori you better not be talking to them. _

<< _ I will end you. _

<< _ I’ll tell Kuroo and Suga about the time your dad let you drink and you cried because Suga’s so pretty. _

>> _ This is for your own good, Eita.  _

<< _ Satori I’m going to burn every manga you own. _

>> _ I have doubles of my favorites stashed at Koushi’s and Tetsurou’s. _

<< _ Hajime can steal and burn the ones at Kuroo’s for me. _

“Eita.” Semi tensed and looked up. Ushijima was standing in front of him, frowning down at him. His hair was still damp from showering - he never seemed to understand that he really should dry his hair - and Semi smiled slightly. 

“Did Satori tell you to come find me?” he asked. To his surprise, Ushijima frowned and shook his head. 

“No. Is there a reason Satori would tell me to find you?” Ushijima replied. Semi glanced at his phone, locked the screen, and slipped it into his pocket. 

“Nope! None at all!” he assured cheerfully. Ushijima stared down at him for a moment, then glanced down the hall, toward Sakusa’s approaching figure, before he spoke again. 

“Are you sure? Kyoomi and I were worried because you left before-” 

Semi didn’t hear anything after that. Ushijima and Sakusa. Sakusa and Ushijima. Even if they were worried about Semi, they were together, and Semi was the odd man out. Maybe he should leave them to it; the two of them were obviously much more compatible with each other than they were with him. Maybe him being part of their soul bond was a mistake. Maybe he should find his own apartment, away from them, so he wouldn’t be in their way, wouldn’t have to see them get up and leave together every morning, wouldn’t have to see them practicing together but not with him, wouldn’t have to face the fact that while they left maroon and blue marks on his skin, and he left whatever color the tips of his hair was at the time on theirs, he still felt like his colors fell flat a lot. Like he wasn’t supposed to be leaving any at all. 

Warm, familiar hands cupped his cheeks. Calloused thumbs swept tenderly under his eyes, collecting tears Semi hadn’t known he was shedding. Ushijima was wiping his tears away. Semi froze, unsure what to do with that realization. 

“Eita, look at us.” That was Sakusa’s voice; he must have reached them. 

Semi bit his lip, trying to push down the ache in his chest at that ‘us’. Semi kept his eyes shut and tried to focus on taking deep breaths. He needed to stop the tears, needed to stop his shoulders from shaking. He needed to convince them he was fine, really, and he wouldn’t make them worry any more, especially if he actually managed to leave them. That would be the easiest solution, right? 

“ _ Eita _ ?” There was blatant horror in Sakusa’s voice, and it was so different from Sakusa’s usual tone - he sounded like he’d just been told he was going to have to walk through mud or something equally dirty and terrible - that Semi opened his eyes. Sakusa and Ushijima were crouched in front of him, staring at him with equally horrified - or maybe it was terrified? - expressions. 

“What?” Semi hadn’t meant for that to come out angry, but they both leaned back a little. 

“You aren’t actually thinking of leaving us, are you?” Sakusa whispered, his eyes wide and scared. Semi almost asked what Sakusa was talking about, but then he realized he must’ve said some of what he was thinking out loud. A moment later, the pain in his chest rose again, because there it was again -  _ us _ \- meaning Sakusa and Ushijima. An  _ us _ that didn’t include Semi. 

He couldn’t meet their eyes. He couldn’t face them. He couldn’t take their questions, their worry, their  _ fear _ \- because really, what were they afraid of? Losing Semi wouldn’t really change anything between them, would it? He was the one they didn’t need, the one who was always falling behind. He was the one that didn’t like getting out of bed, the one that wasn’t good enough to run with them, or practice with them. 

Semi was the one who wasn’t  _ good enough for them _ .

He was on his feet and darting down the hallway before Ushijima or Sakusa even realized he’d moved, leaving them crouched in the hallway with his backpack at their feet. 

Semi turned a corner and nearly knocked someone over as he ducked into an empty classroom and shut the door. He stepped away from the window and sagged against the wall, sinking to the floor once more. He heard voices outside, Ushijima’s and Sakusa’s, and...Yaku’s?

“Yaku! Have you seen Eita?” Sakusa demanded. 

“Yeah, he almost knocked me over,” came the reply. “Did something happen?” Semi froze. If Yaku was the one he’d crashed into, then Yaku had probably seen where Semi went. If he told Ushijima and Sakusa…

“I believe Eita may have been upset by something Kyoomi and I did, but I do not know what,” Ushijima admitted, honest as always. “Where did he go?” Semi hurriedly wiped his eyes. If Yaku was going to turn him in, he needed to be composed when Ushijima and Sakusa walked in, he needed to convince them that everything was fine, they’d imagined him being upset or something. 

“He ran down the hall. If you hurry, you can catch up to him,” Yaku told them. Semi froze in the process of dragging his sleeve over his eyes. 

“Thank you,” Ushijima rumbled. Footsteps faded quickly down the hallway. Semi couldn’t believe it; had Yaku missed him ducking into the classroom? Maybe Semi would be able to collect himself in private before going to his lecture. The classroom door opened, shattering that hope. 

“They’re gone,” Yaku’s voice assured him. Semi slowly lowered his arm and stared at the libero. “Come on. My dorm isn’t far, and I have cocoa. You can hide there for a bit.” Semi hesitated, then nodded. Yaku offered him a reassuring smile and led the way. 

“Wait, don’t you have class?” Semi protested as they left the building. 

“I can afford to miss a lecture, and this is more important,” Yaku said with a shrug. Semi considered protesting, then decided against it. He could afford to miss one lecture, too, and Ushijima and Sakusa knew his class schedule, so they’d probably be waiting after his class when they couldn’t find him. Or...maybe they wouldn’t. After all, maybe they would realize he was right, and give up. Semi wasn’t sure what would hurt more, them trying to pretend they needed him or them letting him go. Semi kept quiet as he followed Yaku the rest of the way, and didn’t speak as Yaku made them each a mug of cocoa. He fiddled with his phone for a second, then sat on his bed beside Semi.

“So. You had a fight with your soulmates, then ran away from them?” Yaku asked, sipping from his mug and watching Semi solemnly.

“Not exactly. I...it’s nothing, really,” Semi said. 

“I know you, Semi. You wouldn’t run away from Ushijima and Sakusa in tears over nothing,” Yaku pointed out. Semi flinched, and Yaku opened his mouth to apologize, but Semi cut him off. 

“That’s the problem,” Semi blurted out. “Wakatoshi and Kyoomi. They suit each other so well...and I’m just…” Yaku waited while Semi collected his thoughts. “They leave me behind while they go running. They’ve left me behind on the volleyball team, too. Wakatoshi and Kyoomi are the best, they’re strong and beautiful and Kyoomi’s the one who completed the soul bond. And I’m just...me, I guess. I can’t keep up with them, and they know it. I think...I think that’s why Wakatoshi never even asked if I wanted to run with him, even before we found Kyoomi. They know that I can’t keep up with them, that I’m not good enough...and one day they’re going to completely leave me behind, and I don’t think I could take that. So I...maybe I should just end it now, while they can still pretend they want me around.” Semi didn’t know when he’d started crying again, but his tears were dripping from his chin and falling into his cocoa. For a moment, Yaku was silent. Then he picked up his phone. 

“Well, there you go. That’s what you did. Now fix this, you idiots,” Yaku said grimly. For a second, Semi stared at the libero in confusion. Yaku noticed his expression and turned the phone so the screen was facing Semi. The setter’s eyes widened in horror, because the screen showed an ongoing call to Ushijima,  _ on speaker _ . 

“I thought you were on my side!” Semi shouted, nearly dropping his mug of cocoa as he surged to his feet. Yaku sighed and ended the call, then slipped his phone into his pocket. 

“I am on your side. Tendou texted me and told me what was going on. He asked me to help, since he was pretty sure you wouldn’t talk to him,” Yaku admitted. Semi scowled at him and set his mug on Yaku’s desk. 

“I’m going to burn Satori’s manga,” Semi spat. “And I’m going to find something of yours to burn, too. Maybe that hoodie Bokuto left for you. Something you’ll miss. And then I’m running away, because I don’t think I can face them.” Semi stalked to the door and threw it open, only to freeze. Ushijima and Sakusa were standing there, Ushijima’s hand raised as if he had been about to knock. Semi took a step back, his mouth hanging open as he tried to think of something to say. Sakusa reached out, but stopped and glanced uncertainly at Ushijima, who stepped forward. 

“Eita, please do not run away from us,” Ushijima began. Semi flinched, because there it was again -  _ us _ , but not Semi - and Sakusa apparently seemed to get over his hesitation and surged forward. Before Semi knew what was happening, Sakusa’s arms were around him, pulling him against Sakusa’s chest. 

“Eita, please don’t leave me,” Sakusa whispered. Semi had braced himself against another  _ us _ , but that caught him off guard. “I’m sorry, Eita. I know what it’s like to feel like the unnecessary one, the third wheel, and I know how much it hurts. I felt like that for a long time after I found you and Wakatoshi. You two were already together. You already knew each other, and anyone could see how much you loved each other. I didn’t know why I was even part of your soulbond. But you and Wakatoshi made sure to include me whenever you could, and you even let me move in with you as soon as I was out of high school.” Sakusa leaned down and kissed the top of his head, something Ushijima was fond of doing, but Sakusa rarely did. “You two gave me a home, and I never thought about how me being there might make you feel like an outsider. I’m so sorry, Eita. I’ll do better, I promise.” 

For a moment, Semi was quiet, processing Sakusa’s words. 

“It’s not your fault,” Semi told him finally. 

“I’m sure Wakatoshi-”

“It’s not his fault, either,” Semi interrupted. He leaned sideways to peer around Sakusa. When he met Ushijima’s gaze, he repeated, “It’s not your fault, Wakatoshi.” Semi stretched up on his toes to kiss Sakusa’s jaw, then wiggled out of his hold. “It’s my own fault. I’m the one who’s not good enough. That’s not on either of you.” 

“I have tried to convince you since our third year that a relationship is not about being good enough,” Ushijima said quietly. Semi stared at the floor, and tensed when he felt Sakusa’s arms wrapping around him again, this time from behind. Sakusa dropped his head until his forehead rested on Semi’s shoulder. 

“Even if it was, running or volleyball or whatever doesn’t get to decide if you’re good enough for us,” Sakusa added, his words muffled slightly as he refused to lift his head. Ushijima nodded in agreement and stepped forward. He took Semi’s hands in his, his large, calloused fingers completely enveloping Semi’s smaller hands. Semi avoided looking at Ushijima, until Ushijima opened his hands and held Semi’s up in between them. A bright, anxious maroon covered Semi’s skin, revealing that Ushijima wasn’t nearly as composed as he seemed. 

“This says you are good enough,” Ushijima told him, shifting his hold on Semi’s hands so he could run his fingers over the setter’s knuckles, a deeper, almost hopeful purple covering the maroon from a moment before. “The colors we leave on each other’s skin says you are perfect for me, and perfect for Kyoomi. And if you cannot believe in the soul bond, believe in me. Believe in Kyoomi. We say you are good enough.” Ushijima leaned forward and kissed Semi’s forehead with so much tenderness that it made him want to melt, then added, “I say you are good enough.”

“Me, too,” Sakusa added, nuzzling the side of Semi’s neck. Semi felt tears pricking at the corners of his eyes and gently tugged one hand out of Ushijima’s grip to wipe them away. Ushijima watched, holding Semi’s other hand in both of his own. Semi reached up and carded his fingers through Sakusa’s curls, trying to reassure him. 

“I didn’t mean to upset you two, I just...I don’t…”

“No matter what we say now, you will not take our words to heart,” Ushijima summarized. Semi flinched; that made it sound like he didn’t trust them, or didn’t want to be with them, when really all he wanted to be worthy of being with them. “But you believed yourself to be enough for me before we knew Kyoomi was our third. Perhaps, with time, Kyoomi and I can convince you that you are enough for us both.” 

“Please let us try, at least,” Sakusa put in, his lips leaving ocean-blue pleas on Semi’s skin. Semi hesitated, because he shouldn’t be worrying them like this. He shouldn’t be dragging them down, holding them back with his insecurities.

A warm, gentle pressure on his lips jerked his attention back to the world around him. Ushijima’s mouth moved slowly over Semi’s in a tender kiss that left Semi leaning against Sakusa for support as his knees trembled. 

“You are overthinking again, Eita,” Ushijima informed him. “Let us take you back to the apartment. I believe we could all use a day off to focus on each other.” Semi wanted to protest - if Ushijima and Sakusa missed classes because of him, or volleyball practice, he would just be proving that he couldn’t handle his own insecurities, and he was dragging them down - but Sakusa’s arms tightened around his waist, distracting him. 

“I want to,” Sakusa murmured, lifting his head just enough to brush his lips along the edge of Semi’s ear. “Please, Eita?” And really, worthy or not, how could Semi say no?

* * *

 

Semi stretched, a satisfying soreness lingering in his muscles. At his back, Ushijima let out a huff of protest and tightened his arm around Semi’s hips, pulling him back against Ushijima’s body. Semi let him, humming contentedly as he settled against Ushijima’s chest. Sakusa, who was being used as Semi’s pillow before that, made a sleepy sound of protest and snuggled closer, slipping his arm beneath Semi’s head - he almost hit Ushijima in the face, but ended up lazily patting his hair instead - and tucking Semi between his own body and Ushijima’s. Semi floated in the warmth like that for a while, until he realized that Ushijima and Sakusa were making no efforts to get out of bed. 

“Run?” Semi mumbled cautiously. Not that he wanted them to leave, but he didn’t want to guilt them out of it, either. He didn’t want to do anything that might make them think he was more trouble than he was worth, that he didn’t deserve-

“You’re still overthinking,” Sakusa sighed, bringing his other arm up to drape over Semi’s and Ushijima’s shoulders. “Wakatoshi and I can run after practice, while you’re in class.” Semi bit his lip, only for Ushijima’s hand to come up and tug his lip from between his teeth with surprising accuracy. Semi debated biting his finger, but decided against it. 

“This way, we can enjoy your company better in the mornings,” Ushijima explained, nuzzling against the back of Semi’s neck. “And we can all make and eat breakfast together.”

“You two can  _ watch _ me cook,” Semi grumbled. “I don’t want either of you near the stove.” 

“We would starve without you,” Ushijima acknowledged. 

“Or burn the apartment down,” Sakusa sighed, kissing Semi’s forehead. 

“Shh,” Semi ordered, feeling like maybe a little of their warmth was seeping deeper than his skin. “Less talking, more cuddling. Then I’ll make breakfast.” 


End file.
